A Closed Mouth Is Never Fed

How often do you hold yourself back from asking for what you need?

(Yes, we are going there right off the bat this fine Wednesday afternoon. Sorry not even slightly sorry).

If you are like me and LOVE Tori Dunlap content,

(Which, if you aren’t already following her, I truly cannot recommend it more OMG)

Then you may have recently this LI post from her:

Here Queen, you dropped this 👑

And, while the sentiment is quite simple and straightforward, I have found myself ruminating on it a lot over the past few days, and I’d like to share my thoughts.

We have been taught to stay quiet

Recently, I have been in a period of transition with my work and business.

(Something that, if you have read my latest newsletters, I am sure you are already aware of lol).

And after reading Tori’s post, it got me thinking about how I have been feeling lately,

(I have had a strong urge to solve my problems on my own instead of leaning on my support systems when I need help as I “sort myself out” recently. Straight up, I’ve been unintentionally silencing myself to avoid being a burden, and it’s not cute).

So, after seeing Tori’s post, I got thinking about how doing this not only limits the opportunities for myself,

But it also is training myself to be less likely to advocate for my wants and needs, which is also not cute.

Allow me to explain:

You won’t meet your goals if you don’t advocate for your needs

At face value, this statement speaks directly to the struggle that so many female business owners (and women in general) grapple with on a day-to-day basis.

So often, it is difficult for women to advocate for what they want, because we have historically been taught not to.

(And in a lot of cases, we are told that asking for things we need or want is greedy, selfish, or oversteps some silent societal rule. The patriarchy doesn’t like loud women, and we have been trained to subdue ourselves to uphold that expectation).

So, for a lot of women (myself included), it is very easy to stop ourselves from asking for what we need because it’s just easier to stay quiet.

• Can I ask for more?

• Am I a bad person for wanting something different than what I have?

• Am I over-extending by dreaming big for myself?

(These questions seem innocent and maybe even a little silly, but when you actually sit with yourself and contextualize these fears with your own actions with clients, family, and friends, you may be surprised by how hard they hit).

And while it is fully true that a closed mouth will never get fed, I’ve also been ruminating on the other ways that staying quiet also impacts women.

Because, like it or not, a closed mouth not only doesn’t get fed, but also:

• Will never ask for support

• Won’t meet like-minded people

• Will struggle to grow

• Will lose its sparkle and forget its power

(Heavy prices to pay just to be more palatable, if you ask me!)

It’s time to get loud

Much like my last post about Tori’s content, I don’t really have a simple and nice way to tie up this piece with an easy-to-follow takeaway.

(Empowering feminist work is difficult, complex, and often overwhelming, but it is also so, so, SO important).

So, instead of trying to wrap this blog up with a bow for you, I instead want to extend a gentle challenge your way:

Over the next few days, I encourage you to be loud about your wants and needs.

(The definition of being loud is up to you — but as long as you are pushing yourself to be more assertive and take up more space, say what you actually mean, or say no to things that aren’t serving you, you are on the right track!)

If you end up taking this challenge, please reply to this article and let me know how it goes.

I’m super interested to hear about it, and I am always here to support my fellow female entrepreneurs in finding and harnessing their light and power.

Until next week,